he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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