Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
