Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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