I feel great
I just peed on a car
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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