My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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