You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
