how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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