It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
