Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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