the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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