So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i think my cat just said my name.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
