This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
