weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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