you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he thought i was a dude.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
