he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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