Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
