dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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