her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
