Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
