I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
