I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize