I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
