we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
