My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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