I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I enjoy the company of your penis
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
