apparently the secret to your success is patron
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
