I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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