And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize