new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
worst night to have a conscience
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
