My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
