Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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