your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
