The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
