so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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