You're so nebulous sometimes
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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