Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
