4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My nipple is on Facebook.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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