I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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