respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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