Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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