Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
