I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
