i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
