the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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