I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
