I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
