Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
