1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
