This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Everclear isn't food dammit
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
