I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
