I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't deserve a penis
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
