Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
