idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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