she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
