Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
