At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
