I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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