This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
