she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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