sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
