The maid of honor just puked.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
