i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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