I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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