You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
