who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
