the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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