i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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