You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
