I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
