I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is Oprah even human
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
