you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
