We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is Oprah even human
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
