Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
