she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
