Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
