Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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