You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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