Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
