Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
