oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
