Whod you bang
he shaved USA in his pubs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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