He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
