Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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