i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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