If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
