11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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