yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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